(.+. The Gurl .+.)
(.+. Road down memory lane .+.)
~*~
As usual, dear called me in the moring trying to wake me up. I was already awake 
& was preparing to go over to his hse. I knew he was gg to do tat so the nite before i set my hp alarm to wake up at 09:30 in the morning. Met below his blk & went to buy breakfast together. Dear went to work already, nw all alone at his hse typing this blog entry, so sianz! Nobody's at home, the entire hse feels so quiet & empty which makes me feel so empty deep inside too.
Was telling dear tat i feel like teaching in kindergarden or pri sch so immediately went to search for some relevant info on the internet. The requirements for poly diploma holders are poly dip cert & 5 passes in GCE 'O' levels, including english & maths. But i fail my eng during 'O' levels so gonna re-take it again this year. Luckily application haven't start yet, it starts on 14 march 2005. Called the ppl at NIE & she says tat i can apply for the training while re-taking my 'O'. Was still full of ambition jus nw, called dear & told him abt it. But nw tat i have think it through carefully i start to doubt on my capability, thinking about negative things like 'Can i succeed?' & many other doubts abt myself. All these discourages me once again.
There's alot of stages i have to go through if i choose teaching as my career. Firstly, i have to pass my 'O' levels eng, take a entrance proficiency test, go for a interview at MOE & if my application is successful then i will undergo a 2 yrs training at NIE. Have to go through all tat before i can served a 3 yrs bond with NIE. Tat seems tough isn't t? The STRESS comes from the 2 yrs training in NIE, i have to make sure i pass at the end of the training if nt have to pay MOE. As they will be giving me a monthly gross allowance of abt 1.6k during the training. I have to go through so much & at the end of the day it does nt guarantee tat i can be a teacher. Human beings or maybe i should say i'm like tat, always want to find the easy way out in life. I dun know wat's holding me back, teaching was my ambition since young but i'm afraid to make the first step and esp with all the bad thoughts abt nt being able to succeed haunting me at the back of my mind. I dun think i can make it though i keep telling myself tat i will work hard & do my best. Maybe i should just look for other jobs, drop the idea of being a teacher & forget abt the whole thing. I'm in a dilemma!! Gonna discuss with dear again & seek his opinions. But aniway.. i'm gonna re-take my eng 'O' this year even if i drop the idea of becoming a teacher. Wanna see whether my eng standards have improved over the years. I'm gg to brush up on my english 
Conclusion: After discussion with dear, i decided to drop the whole idea. It's not worthwhile gg through so much when there are so many uncertainties. Aniway.. nt gg to speak abt this matter again. Hopefully i won't regret it in the future.